Good Evening -
Crickets are chirping, backyard chimes are ringing, and there is baseball on the radio. It's difficult to believe that we lost Kurtis a little over a week ago, and life has been an adjustment as you might expect. I had written a longer post last Thursday, but it got lost in internet land and I didn't have the stamina to rewrite it then, and tonight I felt like typing out some of what I had written before.
To begin, I want to say thank you. The journey from the past several years has been a roller coaster ride and I'll admit that roller coasters are far from my favorite. So many of you have been along with both Kurtis and myself for the ride and I know that without you that we wouldn't have been able to walk through this for as long. Perhaps everything happened really quickly last week or perhaps we weren't aware just how sick Kurtis was, but we were able to spend so much of the summer together thanks to the countless acts of kindness from each of you.
Our families have been incredible, providing us with what we needed. I was thankful to be able to have both of our parents and K's sister and brother in law with us when Kurtis passed last week, and it was so good to see so many of you at the celebration this weekend. I can't imagine going through this without a family that would do anything (and everything) to help. I feel so fortunate and thankful to have all of you in my life <3 My parents have been nothing but amazing and, Mom and Dad - I can't say thank you in enough languages or ways to really express how thankful and blessed I am to have you as parents. You are both such wonderful, loving, kind, thoughtful, and strong individuals that I know I wouldn't be able to be standing up right now if it wasn't for you.
Thank you to our Polaris staff who exemplify our school motto "Crew, not passengers" - I have told people since I started working on a chilly January day in 2010 that I work at the best school in the world, and I firmly believe that is true. Kurtis loved working with all of you and I want you to know how thrilled he was to have gotten the job last summer. From morning chai to hallway hugs and jokes you all have made it possible for me to feel loved, safe, and happy at work even though it hasn't been easy.
To our friends from far and wide, thank you for the messages of love, support, and help. I appreciate the supportive conversations, shoulders to cry on, and the ability to reminisce over a beer. Thank you for all the text messages and late night phone calls when I felt like the world was crumbling. For helping me to finish my backyard, etc. etc. etc.
To our lacrosse families and school families, you are incredible too. There were so many loving messages, visits to the hospital, and cards from you that helped to light our life up these past few months and I appreciate it more than you know.
And, to the strangers who have found this blog and send us love and support too, thank you.
I know I haven't had a chance to respond to all of the emails, notes, texts, facebook messages and more, but I will. <3
I also feel like I want to tell you a few things now that I've had some time to process. I loved Kurtis so much and it was incredibly difficult to lose him, but I feel so relieved that he is free. I know that many of you who have been following along didn't spend time with us with all the tests, chemo, radiation, blood getting, hospital sleeping, etc. etc. etc. and it was really getting to a point where it was easy to tell that Kurtis was tired and in massive amounts of pain. I'm not really sure that the pain would have ever released, even if they could have gotten the cancer under control. I am so proud of the fight that he put up, and it was because he gave it everything he could that I feel like I was able to tell him it was okay to go. We had a conversation before he left where I made him promise that he would let me know that he was okay when he got wherever he was going.
After we got home, I was drawn out to our deck immediately, where the air was heavy, sticky, and still. Without a breeze or gust of wind, the chimes that our friends gave us for our wedding went wild. Kurtis loved those chimes so much (which, is odd since they're sort of randomly noisy...) but it let me know that he's okay and I want to share that with all of you.
I know that a lot of you are worried about me and I want to let you know I'm okay too. I have my family (and Kurtis') around me and I'm happy being back at work. I have a week off in a few weeks and I'm very excited to be visiting an old friend in New York City. My parents and I are going to go out to South Carolina (or somewhere right around there) to play some golf for Kurtis' birthday and lacrosse starts next week. Keep the chai, hugs, and love coming, but know that I'm okay too. My friend Amelia has moved into the house with me so I'm not alone, Chauncey has been overly loving, and I know that Kurtis is watching over all of us.
There was an article in our local paper about Kurtis, you can read it here
I hope you will consider donating to the scholarship fund that we've set up for Kurtis. The scholarships will be awarded annually to one student from our school, Polaris, and one to Kurtis' alma mater, Holyoke High School, to further their education. The easiest way is to send the check to the PO box :)
You may make your donation at any Wells Fargo Bank Branch, or mail a check made payable to the Kurtis Huss Memorial Scholarship Fund to:
Kurtis Huss Fund
P. O. Box 51284
Colorado Springs, CO 80949-1284
That's all for now, but I look forward to sharing some memories of Kurtis with you later.
Liz and Chauncey